


issues

by siyayeah



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 17:51:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10392555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siyayeah/pseuds/siyayeah
Summary: "Be not wishing and pining but thankfully content.  For it is a short bridge between wanting and regret."





	

**Author's Note:**

> some things to note:
> 
> dont kno abt yall, but im not one to care for honorifics. so. u kno. ull see. ull get it.
> 
> > = present.  
> << = past.

>

 

It all started naturally. Kihyun didn’t know what he was getting himself into, they were supposed to be nothing more than friends. But one confession changed everything and now Kihyun finds himself repressing the feelings.

 

<<

 

Hoseok’s session with his therapist should be ending any minute. Kihyun’s made it a habit of picking him up after every session, but at least Hoseok doesn’t seem to mind all that much. Kihyun’s tapping on the steering wheel; it’s a nice day outside, he wonders if Hoseok would be up for going for coffee. Hoseok’s been down lately, hasn’t been making much progress, but Kihyun’s always there for him if he needs a shoulder to lean on. The two have been best friends for nearly a decade now, needless to say Hoseok’s someone who’s very important to Kihyun.

 

The aluminum door opens and reveals a lethargic looking Hoseok. _Right on time._ Kihyun unlocks the car door, letting Hoseok slide in. “How was your sesh?” Kihyun asks, even though he knows Hoseok will give him the same answer he always gives.

 

“Fine.”

 

They both know the session was anything but fine, but Kihyun refrains from saying anything. He can only hope things will soon be fine, he’ll let Hoseok open up when he wants, he wasn’t about to force his best friend into doing anything. “That’s good to hear. Really.”

 

Hoseok only nods.

 

Kihyun decides to turn on the radio, hoping it’ll lift up Hoseok’s mood somewhat. “Let’s go to a cafe, yeah?”

 

“Sure.”

  


The cafe they go to is the cutest Kihyun’s seen. The place appears to be old, with photographs of random customers plastered all around the walls. Kihyun gets a bit closer to the counter to look at the menu. As he’s looking for what to order, a song comes on. He recognizes the song, it’s Scars, by James Bay. The song is one of his favorites, hasn’t heard it in awhile, he doesn’t listen to English music much. Suddenly, the figure next to him, whom he hadn’t noticed was there, says something.

 

“What’s this song called? It’s so nice.”

 

His voice is soft, but it was loud enough for Kihyun to hear it. “It’s uh..Scars. By James Bay.” Kihyun gives him a small smile, he’s never been good at this- at socializing but he’d like to think this as progress.

 

“Thanks,” the guy smiles. His smile’s pretty,  everything about him seems to be pretty actually. From the shape of his lips to his eyebrows. Kihyun can’t help but feel a little self-conscious. “What’s your name?”

 

“Um.. Kihyun. Yoo..Kihyun.”

 

“Chae Hyungwon. You seem like a dude who’s got good taste in music.”

 

“Ha. Thanks? You, too.” Kihyun wishes he wasn’t so awkward, but he just didn’t know how to respond to that. He never knows what to say, which is why he doesn’t say much of anything or speak to anyone. Hyungwon, on the other hand, is quite the social one. Before Kihyun knows it, the two are exchanging numbers. Kihyun’s glad to have made a new friend, but he just hopes this doesn’t blow up in his face (e.g. Hyungwon turning out to be a complete douchebag).

  


It’s a few days later when Kihyun gets a text from Hyungwon.

 

**hyungwon**

i rlly dig the song thats playing

too bad i dont kno what its called. if only u were here

 

Kihyun chuckles. He wonders if Hyungwon realizes that there’s an app for that.

 

**kihyun**

shazam mate

works wonders

 

**hyungwon**

i kno

but

idk maybe i was just trying to find an excuse

 

**kihyun**

an excuse? wdym

 

**hyungwon**

nothing nvm

 

Kihyun doesn’t reply after that. He wishes he wasn’t so shit at keeping a conversation, but he is, reason why most of his conversations die in the first place.

 

-

 

It’s become a habit texting Hyungwon. Kihyun finds himself enjoying his conversations with Hyungwon, the lad seems chill and relaxed, something Kihyun wishes he could be more of. Kihyun guesses he could consider them as friends, even though they communicate through texts and have yet to hang out with the other. Kihyun hasn’t told Hoseok about Hyungwon, _yet,_ the two haven’t spoken much lately to begin with. When Kihyun does tell Hoseok about Hyungwon though, Hoseok’s a tad overdramatic.

 

“I can’t believe you’re cheating on me.”

 

“I’m not-”

 

“And with a guy named what now?”

 

Kihyun sighs. “Hyungwon. He’s not so bad, Seokie.” It’s nice, not being on honorific terms with Hoseok. The two have always thought it to be dumb anyway.

 

“You- you barely know the guy.”

 

Hoseok’s right. Kihyun barely knows this Chae Hyungwon. Does he want to though? Yes. He wishes to be closer with Hyungwon, but Kihyun’s only ever been close with Hoseok. Kihyun isn’t an open book, he only talks about the deep shit when the timing’s right, but even then rarely anyone understands. “Well, I can get to know him?” Kihyun’s been, well, lonely lately. The only person he associates himself with is, of course, Hoseok, so granted he doesn’t have many people in his life. Kihyun thinks Hyungwon could be a good addition to his life.

 

Hoseok arches an eyebrow. “Kihyunie, I know you, and we were just lucky enough to have met when we were younger, y’know without a care in the world, but we’re older now, and I know you. How is he supposed to get to know _you_? It’s hard to get to know you, we both know why I’m the only one you talk to for a reason.”

 

“Exactly! Can’t you see? I’m..trying to make friends, I just want friends. You already got so much shit going on, and-”

 

“I know, I’m not saying you guys shouldn’t be friends. It’s just, I don’t know-- surprising-- that you’d give him your number.”

 

Now that Kihyun thinks about it, it was surprising. The two had bonded over their shared love of music, and before Kihyun realized it, the two were exchanging phone numbers. “Did you get a good look of him though? Back at the cafe?”

 

Hoseok shakes his head. “I was too busy buying myself some coffee beans, so no.”

 

“Oh. Well, he’s pretty. Not that, that matters, but-- yeah.”

 

The older chuckles. “Good to know?”

 

-

 

When Kihyun receives a text from Hyungwon again, it’s over something trivial.

 

**hyungwon**

ive been sexiled :(

 

It takes awhile for Kihyun to reply, the fuck is he supposed to say?

 

**kihyun**

lmao

damn

 

 _Really?_ Two words, two measly words. That’s really all he can come up with?

 

**hyungwon**

keep me company in my time of need :(

 

It was hard at first, trying to make the conversation flow, and then, it wasn’t so hard anymore. The two end up talking for hours, till Hyungwon can finally step foot into his place again, and Kihyun slumbers the night away. Hyungwon had told Kihyun about himself, about his friend groups and what he does for a living. Kihyun could get used to this, talking to someone other than Hoseok so comfortably. Hyungwon thinks they should make plans to hang soon, Kihyun says he’ll have to check his schedule. (He’s mostly free, but what Hyungwon doesn’t know won’t hurt him.)

 

When Kihyun gets a text in the morning, it’s from Hyungwon, asking if he wants to meet up for lunch. Kihyun thinks about it, it doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. Kihyun doesn’t have any plans to meet up with Hoseok today anyway, this will be a good way to get closer. The two go for pizza, Hyungwon goes with the cheese pizza, which made Kihyun grimace, while Kihyun went with the pepperoni.

 

Kihyun eyes Hyungwon’s pizza. _So much cheese,_ he can’t help but think. A part of him notes it though, their clear preferences when it comes to pizza toppings. Hyungwon asks Kihyun about his life, if he has a job, to which Kihyun responds with, “I’m still in graduate school..sadly.”

 

“No, no-- that’s fine. Wait, how old are you?”

 

“Twenty-four.”

 

“I’m younger! I’ve been talking informally this whole time and you..didn’t say anything?”

 

Kihyun shrugs. “I’ve never cared for honorifics. It’s okay.”

 

Kihyun can tell by the look on Hyungwon’s face that he feels bad, but Kihyun really doesn’t care for those things. “Still...” he hears Hyungwon say. “Would’ve been nice to know.”

 

They decide to go through the basics, for Hyungwon’s sake, what should and shouldn’t be said. Kihyun can see Hyungwon’s an easygoing guy, the complete opposite of Kihyun himself. He likes to think he’s easygoing, he’s an open-minded guy, but then he remembers how intolerant he can be. Once the two are finished eating and have to head their own ways, Hyungwon shyly asks if Kihyun’s up for going to lunch with him again.

 

“I’d love to.”

 

-

 

The first time Hyungwon says _I love you_ to Kihyun, Kihyun doesn’t think much of it. They were in the moment, that’s what friends say to each other, it’s normal. Kihyun’s grown to care about Hyungwon, it’s obvious in the way Kihyun constantly nags Hyungwon to remember to not skip his meals. Kihyun knows it’s become a bad habit of Hyungwon’s, due to work and all the papers he has to fill out thanks to his boss. (Hyungwon doesn’t mind though, the nagging, grateful that there’s someone who even bothers reminding him to eat. Hyungwon’s grown to care about Kihyun just as much.)

  


Kihyun’s in the kitchen when he hears the door to his apartment open. He knows it’s Hoseok, he gave Hoseok a key for when he wants to come over, definitely not because he hates opening the door for people, definitely not.

 

“Kihyunie, make me food. I got my sesh later,” he groans into a pillow as he flops onto the sofa.

 

“Yes, yes, I remember,” Kihyun utters as he goes to the refrigerator to get some eggs to fry.

 

“I kinda wanna meet Hyungwon.”

 

That surprises Kihyun. Hoseok’s always been one to keep to himself. “Really? I mean..I guess you could come out to lunch with us.”

 

“It’s just, I don’t know. From what you’ve told me, y’know, he seems decent. But I wanna see for myself.” Kihyun walks over and hands Hoseok a bowl with the scrambled eggs and rice. “Thank you.”

 

“I think you’ll like him..I don’t know. Quit being so overprotective, I can take care of myself.”

 

“I know you can, but-- how do I say this without sounding mean..you’re shit at judging people. You tend to befriend people who turn out to be..well, shit. I just don’t want you to waste your time on another nobody.”

 

Kihyun ruffles Hoseok’s hair. “I know, you’re just looking out for me. ‘ppreciate it, really, but maybe you should give him a chance before jumping to conclusions.”

 

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

-

 

The next time Kihyun goes out to lunch with Hyungwon, he takes Hoseok with him. The three settled on going for jjamppong _._ Throughout the meal, Hoseok doesn’t say much, just keeps jabbing Kihyun in the ribs till he’s had enough and yells in a hushed tone, _What?_

 

“Nothing.” Hoseok has the fucking audacity to smirk.

 

Kihyun decides it’ll only be best to ignore his antics. “Anyway… continue your story, Hyungwon.”

 

Rather than finishing his story though, Hyungwon lets out a _tsk_. Confused, Kihyun’s wondering what could be wrong until Hyungwon leans over and wipes at his lips. “You’re quite the messy eater.”

 

Kihyun pouts and shoos his hand away. “Why are you like this?”

 

Hyungwon gives him a few of his bell peppers.

 

“ _No,_ Hyungwon. You eat that, I’m fine!”

 

“No, it’s okay, you should eat more--”

 

“You’re one to talk--”

 

Through even more bickering, Hyungwon wins and goes to pay for the meal. It’s quiet till Hoseok finally speaks up. “You guys act like a married couple.”

 

Kihyun chokes on the water he had just took a sip of. “Huh?”

 

Hoseok glances over at Hyungwon by the cash register. “You and Hyungwon. For two people who haven’t known each other long, you guys..already act like, y’know.”

 

“No, I don’t know, Seokie. And I don’t care to know.”

 

“It’s just--” Kihyun hushes him before he can finish. The two were just friends, can’t two people be _just friends_?

 

-

Kihyun’s having a bad day, a shitty ass day and he’s so exhausted he sort of wants to sleep for the next 48 hours. He reaches for his phone on the bed to shoot Hyungwon a text, to cancel their plans for today.

 

**kihyun**

hey..i think i have to cancel :/

sorry

 

The reply comes almost instantly.

 

**hyungwon**

wait why?

what’s wrong?

 

**kihyun**

im fine

just not up for eating

 

**hyungwon**

…

why?

 

**kihyun**

just … shit people say

i think i should tone down my body

 

Kihyun doesn’t know what made him said that, but this is Real Emo Hours™ and he figures why the fuck not vent to Hyungwon.

 

**hyungwon**

shut up no u dont

ur fine

ur perfect

 

Perfect wouldn’t be the word Kihyun would choose, but he’s flattered nonetheless.

 

**hyungwon**

people are so shitty wtf

dont listen to them. please

dont skip your meals

 

Hyungwon’s replies are one after another, Kihyun can’t even get another word in.

 

**hyungwon**

how tf r u gonna tell me to not skip my meals n then pull that shit

fuck

u dont deserve this shit

 

**kihyun**

hyungwon omg it’s okay

 

**hyungwon**

it’s really not tho

 

Kihyun smiles. Hyungwon has a way with words. He’s sweet, really sweet. Kihyun gives up and tells the younger he’ll eat, _Jesus fucking Christ,_ the lad was persistent. He wants to believe Hyungwon’s words, that he’s fine, but he’s always hated his body. He can’t help it, he’s tried loving his body, he really has, but it’s hard to when his body’s constantly being shamed. He gets called _fat_ more often than he can count. He doesn’t see how he is, he’s always thought he’s fine, but people’s words can fucking sting and he’s starting to believe their words instead.

 

**kihyun**

love u

 

Hyungwon’s response is through the Digital Touch.

 

**_hyungwon_ **

_i love you_

 

-

 

Kihyun’s not one to go to parties, only because he normally doesn’t get invited. So when Hyungwon invites him to a party, he’s conflicted on whether or not he should go. A part of him wants to go for the alcohol, but then the other part is telling him the party won’t be much fun. It’s true, he thinks, the party will mostly just be people trying to get blackout drunk, people trying to find someone to hook up with. Kihyun’s not into that, but he wants to get his mind off things, and getting drunk isn’t the best idea, but maybe he can ask Hoseok to tag along. The more the merrier.

 

Hoseok ends up agreeing on going. He reassures Kihyun he’ll keep watch of him, just in case he does anything he’ll regret once he isn’t under the influence. Kihyun’s a heavyweight, so bottle after bottle isn’t doing much to him. He spends most of the night drinking, Hoseok and Hyungwon are busying themselves anyway. On his sixth bottle, he comes to find out Hyungwon is a lightweight. It surprises Kihyun, but what surprises Kihyun even more is walking in on someone- a boy? -sitting on Hyungwon’s lap, the two in a heated make out. Kihyun catches Hyungwon’s eye, but leaves before the younger can say a word, if he was even going to. _They look good together._

 

The morning after, Kihyun finds himself feeling fine. Hoseok had dropped him off, and if Kihyun was being honest he wasn’t near drunk, just sleepy. When he wakes up it’s not to a massive headache, but to a text from Hyungwon.

 

**hyungwon**

u kiss a dude n said dude ends up being your boyfriend??

 

**kihyun**

lol

nice? i guess?

 

The conversation dies quickly. After that, the two don’t speak as often, Hyungwon being too preoccupied with his boyfriend. Kihyun tries to get used to it, after all he’s been fine with just Hoseok all these years, but it’s weird. He’s gotten so familiar with Hyungwon it’s weird that the two aren’t spending time with each other anymore, even their lunch dates that’s become a routine have come to a stop. It sucks, but Kihyun will get over it. He has Hoseok.

 

-

 

It’s ass o’clock in the morning when he gets a text from Hyungwon. It’s been several months, they haven’t been in contact, though there will be texts from Kihyun saying how he misses Hyungwon from time to time. The younger will say he misses the older too, that things have just been hard and Kihyun gets it. Hyungwon has more important things to worry about, he has a full-time job, not to mention a boyfriend. Kihyun’s not as important, doesn’t see how he could be, so he’s not bitter. He understands that Hyungwon’s just been busy, he tries to reassure the younger that they’re okay, that Kihyun still cares about him just as much.

 

Looking at the text now, Kihyun hadn’t expected it from him. Kihyun’s been the one to voice his feelings more lately, so seeing an “ _I miss you”_ text from Hyungwon sort of caught him off guard.

 

**kihyun**

miss u too

 

Kihyun wonders for a second why Hyungwon’s awake, if he’s okay, but maybe the younger just couldn’t sleep. He really hopes that’s the case.

 

**hyungwon**

u know… i’m rly tired of ppl treating me like shit lol

 

Kihyun frowns. _Who’s been treating him like shit?_

 

**kihyun**

u deserve better :/

what happened?

 

**hyungwon**

just changkyun

maybe i deserve it tho

being treated like this

 

Hyungwon and Changkyun haven’t been dating long, and already their relationship isn’t on a good note. Kihyun had been hoping Changkyun would treat Hyungwon well, from what Kihyun can tell, Hyungwon treats the lad so fucking nice, only to get treated like dirt. Kihyun’s hurt, hurt for Hyungwon, because Hyungwon truly deserves better (except he can’t see that). He wants to tell Hyungwon to end things, but that wouldn’t be right, Hyungwon should be able to make his own decisions. He sighs. When had he started caring about Hyungwon so much, to the point where he himself would be hurting if the younger was in pain.

 

**kihyun**

no hyungwon. no

u dont

why do u let yourself b treated like that?

 

**hyungwon**

i love u

 

It’s become Hyungwon’s habit, throwing the three words Kihyun’s way any chance he gets, and maybe that only makes the three words have no meaning, but he knows that’s not true. Hyungwon loves him, and he loves Hyungwon, just two friends who share a mutual feeling.

 

-

 

It isn’t until a few months later that Kihyun gets to see Hyungwon. The younger had called and asked if Kihyun wants to meet up for lunch, to which Kihyun found him hard to reject. When he spots Hyungwon at the restaurant, the younger looks tired-- more tired than he normally does. The bags under his eyes are dark and heavy, he really looks as if he hasn’t had a decent sleep in weeks. Kihyun takes a seat in front of him, can’t help but lean in and cup his face. “Hey,” he whispers.

 

A smile creeps up on Hyungwon’s face. “Hey.”

 

Kihyun grins, happy to see Hyungwon smiling at least.

 

Hyungwon takes a hold of the hands cupping his face, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh of content. “Kihyun-ah.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You make me smile. I don’t know how you do it, but-- well, actually, I do know. Just your presence, your smile. Your smile could rival the sunrise--” Kihyun scrunches his nose, Hyungwon tends to be greasy. “--I love seeing you smile. Your smile--” He opens his eyes and gives Kihyun another smile. “--your smile makes me happy. You make me happy.”

 

Kihyun’s heart clenches. Kihyun was almost jealous at how good Hyungwon was with his words. He doesn’t know how the younger does it, how the younger can say whatever comes to mind. If it were Kihyun, he would have kept all those thoughts to himself, but clearly Hyungwon was the opposite. Kihyun’s probably blushing, he wants to hide his face in his hands, but Hyungwon still has a hold of them and he sort of wants the Earth to swallow him whole right about now. He lets go of Kihyun’s hands the moment their food gets set on the table. He wants to ask Hyungwon, about Changkyun, if they’re still together. He has a feeling they’re no longer together, but doesn’t ask. Hyungwon will tell him if he wants to, it wasn’t Kihyun’s place to pry. (A tiny part of him, the part he’s refusing to acknowledge, is hoping the two have broken up. Maybe it’s because he misses his friend, or maybe he just believes Hyungwon deserves better. Either way, he ignores that tiny part of him. He just wants Hyungwon to be happy.)

 

Hyungwon’s doing it again, wiping the food off of Kihyun’s mouth. They haven’t done this in awhile, go to lunch, the two bickering till someone gets the last word. It makes Kihyun somewhat sad, how they’ve gone months and months without seeing the other, how they managed to fall out of the routine they had created.

 

“How did we...” Hyungwon murmurs. “Why couldn’t it have been you?”

 

Kihyun’s about to ask what he means by that, but Hyungwon continues with where he was going.

 

“We-- would have been a nice couple. Your _small_ ass hand in mine, I would spoil the shit out of you. You..would be the best-- y’know.” Kihyun knows.

 

Hyungwon goes to pay for their meal, Kihyun wanted to split the bill, but Hyungwon had insisted. He doesn’t know what Hyungwon thinks he gained from saying that, but what Kihyun does know is that this only changes their dynamic. Things were fine, everything was platonic (but maybe they weren’t), and now Kihyun’s left confused and not knowing what to do.

 

>

 

Kihyun tries to act normal around Hyungwon, but he can’t now that there’s feelings attached. _This sucks,_ he makes a deep inarticulate groan. Ever since Hyungwon confessed, Kihyun can’t help but run the words over and over again in his head. He had been trying so hard, to ignore that tiny part of him, but it’s quite hard to ignore now that he knows how Hyungwon feels. Telling Kihyun how he felt didn’t change anything though, Hyungwon’s still with Changkyun (of course, why wouldn’t he be, Changkyun’s a much better option). Kihyun’s so out of it he doesn’t hear Hoseok getting inside the car.

 

“Earth to Kihyun.”

 

“Oh-- you finished your sesh. Earlier than usual.”

 

Hoseok nods as he leans against the headrest. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m _fine_ , Seokie. Everything’s dandy. What could be wrong?”

 

“Well--” he sits up. “First of all, you said dandy-- who does that? And again, you’re my best friend. Can’t you just, for once in your life, tell me what the fuck is wrong.”

 

Kihyun’s taken aback by how well Hoseok actually knows Kihyun. He tries his best to cover up his feelings, although obviously he isn’t very good at it, but he tries anyway, only to have Hoseok sense something’s up. “Can you just tell me I told you so and hug me already..”

 

Without another word, Hoseok pulls Kihyun in for a hug. He kisses the top of Kihyun’s head and gives his shoulder a rub. “I’m… sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, you did warn me...”

 

“Still.”

 

The two are seated as so for awhile, till Kihyun decides it’s time to go. Kihyun forcibly agrees with himself that this is for the better, Hyungwon’s better off with Changkyun, feelings are overrated anyway. Kihyun isn’t ready for a committed relationship (he really isn’t), but he can’t help but think _what could have been._ Hyungwon was a good friend and maybe if Kihyun had realized his feelings sooner he could have acted upon them. Instead, he ignored that tiny part of him and now here he is repressing the feelings. It’s for the best really, him repressing his feelings, maybe he can get over the younger and have their dynamic revert right back to normal. (Kihyun knows that’s too good to be true though.)

 

He realizes now, that Hyungwon had made him happy. Hyungwon had made him feel better about himself, had slowly but surely made him ignore all the negative words sent his way. Hyungwon was everything Kihyun wasn’t, Kihyun doesn’t know what Hyungwon sees in Kihyun in the first place, but the two had found a comfort in each other-- found a bond in music out of pure coincidence-- they cared about each other, still do. Kihyun’s thoughts shift over to Changkyun, all he wants is for the boy to treat Hyungwon right. (If Hyungwon’s better off with Changkyun, then Kihyun supposes that he can’t do anything about that.)

 

A few days down the road-- when he meets up with Hyungwon for lunch, he tries to not look sad. Things are better this way he reminds himself. _Yeah… things are better this way._ By the end of their meal, when Hyungwon’s paying for both their portions yet again, Kihyun realizes something.

 

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other,  


  
but not meant to be together.

**Author's Note:**

> wow i love happy endings


End file.
